04-22-2012, 10:31 PM
#1
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Well, it wouldn't be the first time for me. It didn't go so well for me the first time I tried asking a girl out through facebook. I never used facebook, let alone the internet to meet other women, even though the facebook generation thinks it's the cool thing to do nowadays.

So now, I've seen another girl that I like and we've got two friends in common. I don't know how to approach this the right way this time. Her profile is completely private, so I don't even know if she lives in the same state as me. I tried asking the two friends that we've got in common if they knew her and both don't know her well enough. So I'm sort of on my own here on this. How do I get to know this girl through facebook?

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 04-22-2012, 10:59 PM
#2
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I am assuming that since you don't even know what state this girl lives in, when you say you "like" her, you mean you are attracted to her picture. If that is not the case, I apologize.

Approach this carefully. If you do not know the girl, sending her a friend request because you saw her profile on some friends' lists can be awkward.

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 04-22-2012, 11:05 PM
#3
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While I may not be the best person to ask - been happily married to a lovely girl I meet online* for the last eight years gives me something of a bias - I don't think meeting someone online is any more or less creepy than going barhopping to meet girls (or boys, of your taste runs that way - YMMV, as always).

Personally - YMMV off course - I see no trouble sending her a message and letting her know that you like her and would get to know her better. Just take it from there and see what happens. If you're lucky you may meet your soul mate - or at least someone who will let you occupy most of the bathroom with your shaving supplies - and if you're not lucky than at least you tried, right Smile ? Be vary of confusing "I like her picture" with "I like her" though; IMHO attraction should be more than skin deep if you want to build a lasting relationship. You might benefit from trying to get more out of your common friends; a bit about her personality and likes/dislikes might tell you if it's worth pursuing or not - and will make talking to her much easier too.

What can make it creepy is if you starts to stalk her... something which is WAY to easy to do online.

*) Neither of us were looking - just happen to run into each other on a forum, starting PMing, then emailing and IMing, one thing lead to another and after a year and a half I went to visit her. The rest is - as they say - history, which proves that living in the same state (or even the same continent) don't mean jack Biggrin

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 04-22-2012, 11:20 PM
#4
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(04-22-2012, 10:59 PM)cjokrap Wrote: I am assuming that since you don't even know what state this girl lives in, when you say you "like" her, you mean you are attracted to her picture. If that is not the case, I apologize.

Approach this carefully. If you do not know the girl, sending her a friend request because you saw her profile on some friends' lists can be awkward.
Yes, that's the issue. I don't know where she lives. She could be in Antarctica for all I know. lol Physical attraction is how us guys like girls. That's how we're programmed, well most guys anyways. I don't want to message her out of the blue and tell her that I like her and want to get to know her, it's awkward as you say and if it were me I'd think a complete stranger on a website PMing me would be creepy.

(04-22-2012, 11:05 PM)WegianWarrior Wrote: While I may not be the best person to ask - been happily married to a lovely girl I meet online* for the last eight years gives me something of a bias - I don't think meeting someone online is any more or less creepy than going barhopping to meet girls (or boys, of your taste runs that way - YMMV, as always).

Personally - YMMV off course - I see no trouble sending her a message and letting her know that you like her and would get to know her better. Just take it from there and see what happens. If you're lucky you may meet your soul mate - or at least someone who will let you occupy most of the bathroom with your shaving supplies - and if you're not lucky than at least you tried, right Smile ? Be vary of confusing "I like her picture" with "I like her" though; IMHO attraction should be more than skin deep if you want to build a lasting relationship. You might benefit from trying to get more out of your common friends; a bit about her personality and likes/dislikes might tell you if it's worth pursuing or not - and will make talking to her much easier too.

What can make it creepy is if you starts to stalk her... something which is WAY to easy to do online.

*) Neither of us were looking - just happen to run into each other on a forum, starting PMing, then emailing and IMing, one thing lead to another and after a year and a half I went to visit her. The rest is - as they say - history, which proves that living in the same state (or even the same continent) don't mean jack Biggrin

Yes, yes, you make very, very good points there and this is what makes it even harder. It's because it's online and not in a real-life scenario. If it were at a football game, a restaurant, the movie theater, etc... I could easily walk up to her and introduce myself to her and go from there. I could try to ask one of my friends if her could talk to her for me to let her know I'm interested in her. I guess that would be the alright thing to do, right? Even though she's just an acquittance to him. I'd like for it to be more than just physical attraction, but if I can't get to know her, how will I ever find out?

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 04-23-2012, 12:08 AM
#5
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Quote:It's because it's online and not in a real-life scenario.

Just because it's online don't make it any less real-life when it comes to feelings. Life isn't easy - or fair - but that's just how it is.

To borrow terms from my line of work, you are now in the pre-planning stage. This is the stage where you gather your intel and formulate your goals. The next stage would be the planning stage; what to do to achieve the goals you set in this stage.

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 04-23-2012, 03:17 AM
#6
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(04-22-2012, 11:05 PM)WegianWarrior Wrote: While I may not be the best person to ask - been happily married to a lovely girl I meet online* for the last eight years gives me something of a bias - I don't think meeting someone online is any more or less creepy than going barhopping to meet girls (or boys, of your taste runs that way - YMMV, as always).

Personally - YMMV off course - I see no trouble sending her a message and letting her know that you like her and would get to know her better. Just take it from there and see what happens. If you're lucky you may meet your soul mate - or at least someone who will let you occupy most of the bathroom with your shaving supplies - and if you're not lucky than at least you tried, right Smile ? Be vary of confusing "I like her picture" with "I like her" though; IMHO attraction should be more than skin deep if you want to build a lasting relationship. You might benefit from trying to get more out of your common friends; a bit about her personality and likes/dislikes might tell you if it's worth pursuing or not - and will make talking to her much easier too.

What can make it creepy is if you starts to stalk her... something which is WAY to easy to do online.

*) Neither of us were looking - just happen to run into each other on a forum, starting PMing, then emailing and IMing, one thing lead to another and after a year and a half I went to visit her. The rest is - as they say - history, which proves that living in the same state (or even the same continent) don't mean jack Biggrin

(04-23-2012, 12:08 AM)WegianWarrior Wrote:
Quote:It's because it's online and not in a real-life scenario.

Just because it's online don't make it any less real-life when it comes to feelings. Life isn't easy - or fair - but that's just how it is.

To borrow terms from my line of work, you are now in the pre-planning stage. This is the stage where you gather your intel and formulate your goals. The next stage would be the planning stage; what to do to achieve the goals you set in this stage.

All your thoughts are wrong, rightfully so, you're married now. Biggrin

You don't approach online like the real world, nor do you assume anything especially since Facebook isn't a dating site.

I have met several women, purposely and not so much via online; my ex which I had known forever and a day came from online 6 years or so ago.

Simply send a friend request if her profile is private, if she doesn't have the filter turned off to send a message, then simply send a message first; play it just like a conversation and ask her where shes from, and state you have similar friends and perhaps know each other.

Trust me when I say this, going through online is about the worst way to make contact and meet women; its never what you think its going to be unless you're lucky and or have better experience with women in the real world.

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 04-23-2012, 05:26 AM
#7
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To answer your subject question frankly, yes...I think it might be a little weird to use facebook to meet girls. Facebook is a social networking site that for the most part puts you in contact with people you already know. With that being said, I'm sure there are ways using facebook that would at least come off as "less creepy".
Why don't you try a traditional dating website if this is how you wish to persist a woman? This way, you can approach complete strangers as this is the intent of the web site and will not come off creepy(granted, you don't ask creepy things) Biggrin

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 04-23-2012, 09:05 AM
#8
  • Songwind
  • Soap Slinger & Scuttle Pusher
  • Burnsville, MN
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I think going from "you never heard of me" straight to "wooing" would be creepy.

However, if you find someone interesting via shared interaction in another friend's comments, I think that a friendly note and a friend request is a good place to start. If it goes anywhere from there, You're good.

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 04-23-2012, 10:14 AM
#9
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(04-23-2012, 05:26 AM)Chicagotrim Wrote: To answer your subject question frankly, yes...I think it might be a little weird to use facebook to meet girls. Facebook is a social networking site that for the most part puts you in contact with people you already know. With that being said, I'm sure there are ways using facebook that would at least come off as "less creepy".
Why don't you try a traditional dating website if this is how you wish to persist a woman? This way, you can approach complete strangers as this is the intent of the web site and will not come off creepy(granted, you don't ask creepy things) Biggrin

But I'm not interested in online dating sites. I hate those e harmony ads, they're so cheesy.

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 04-23-2012, 10:31 AM
#10
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Then you know what...?
Just go for it then. Reach out to the girl via facebook and send her a non creepy message and just start a simple conversation unrelated to the fact you might be interested in her. You have one try...So make it innocent and simple
Something like this...
"Hi Jane
I came across your profile because you are friends with Jim and Michelle(two of my facebook friends). I hope you do not think this is out of line, but I was wondering how you know the two of them. I went to college with Jim, Did you go to our college too?"

Whatever you do, do not ask a girl out during your first conversation with her...She will never say yes.

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 04-23-2012, 01:23 PM
#11
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(04-23-2012, 03:17 AM)Sodapopjones Wrote:
(04-22-2012, 11:05 PM)WegianWarrior Wrote: While I may not be the best person to ask - been happily married to a lovely girl I meet online* for the last eight years gives me something of a bias - I don't think meeting someone online is any more or less creepy than going barhopping to meet girls (or boys, of your taste runs that way - YMMV, as always).

Personally - YMMV off course - I see no trouble sending her a message and letting her know that you like her and would get to know her better. Just take it from there and see what happens. If you're lucky you may meet your soul mate - or at least someone who will let you occupy most of the bathroom with your shaving supplies - and if you're not lucky than at least you tried, right Smile ? Be vary of confusing "I like her picture" with "I like her" though; IMHO attraction should be more than skin deep if you want to build a lasting relationship. You might benefit from trying to get more out of your common friends; a bit about her personality and likes/dislikes might tell you if it's worth pursuing or not - and will make talking to her much easier too.

What can make it creepy is if you starts to stalk her... something which is WAY to easy to do online.

*) Neither of us were looking - just happen to run into each other on a forum, starting PMing, then emailing and IMing, one thing lead to another and after a year and a half I went to visit her. The rest is - as they say - history, which proves that living in the same state (or even the same continent) don't mean jack Biggrin

(04-23-2012, 12:08 AM)WegianWarrior Wrote:
Quote:It's because it's online and not in a real-life scenario.

Just because it's online don't make it any less real-life when it comes to feelings. Life isn't easy - or fair - but that's just how it is.

To borrow terms from my line of work, you are now in the pre-planning stage. This is the stage where you gather your intel and formulate your goals. The next stage would be the planning stage; what to do to achieve the goals you set in this stage.

All your thoughts are wrong, rightfully so, you're married now. Biggrin

You don't approach online like the real world, nor do you assume anything especially since Facebook isn't a dating site.

I have met several women, purposely and not so much via online; my ex which I had known forever and a day came from online 6 years or so ago.

Simply send a friend request if her profile is private, if she doesn't have the filter turned off to send a message, then simply send a message first; play it just like a conversation and ask her where shes from, and state you have similar friends and perhaps know each other.

Trust me when I say this, going through online is about the worst way to make contact and meet women; its never what you think its going to be unless you're lucky and or have better experience with women in the real world.

What if you don't meet someone you like in the real world? Let's just say that your buddies tried to hook you up with the worst of worst. Sometimes you find love in unexpected places. It's weird, but true.

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 04-23-2012, 01:27 PM
#12
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if you have to ask if it's creepy or not, you already know the answer....YESTongue

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 04-23-2012, 02:26 PM
#13
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Sorry can't help. Mystified here. Not even a Facebook user, but I think I sorta have the gist, just never "got it". I don't see the attraction to facebook.

Please don't take what I write as an attack, it's not intended as such. I'm quite mystified by all of this.

(Curmudgeon mode on)

Maybe someone can enlighten me.

It was so much easier when we just got set up with a blind date or just dated ladies we knew. What ever happened to that? It wasn't so bad since one already sort of partially knew the person.

Maybe a virtual date with texting, then a virtual marriage with virtual kids, the virtual divorce and virtual alimony etc. ?

I guess I just don't get the whole "friends I don't really know" thing. It was invented by someone with mental problems wasn't it? Admittedly, I'm an old fart and I remember what actual physical women and one on one relationships were like (and are).

Now there are approx 4x the amount of people in the world and folks can't find anyone? What's up with that?

(curmudgeon mode off)

Just a suggestion, why not just approach her by whatever means and state your case clearly and honestly? Sure, she may shoot you down, but that's where a skin (or shell)develops. It's a numbers game and don't take the first one your fantasy thinks is the one. After all how well do you really know someone on-line? It's largely your fantasy on-line, since there is no knowledge of the other in depth so anything more is up to chance. Sure, it may work out after contact is made, and it might not.

What I'm trying to say is that relationships worth having take one on one contact and develop over time. At this point she's just a contact in a favorites/friends list. No relationship exists except in your mind. You can express that to her in a non stalking way, or just keep it as a fantasy.

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 04-23-2012, 03:33 PM
#14
  • Johnny
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I don't use the service myself but the wife does. If I were going to attempt it, I would be sure and do it only in a private conversation, not for the whole world to see.

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 04-23-2012, 04:13 PM
#15
  • Songwind
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ShadowsDad - meeting people and making friends online works pretty much the same as offline. Sometimes you do it in a slightly different order.

If you notice a striking lady or a handsome beau and want to get to know them, you strike up a conversation and see if there's a social and mental compatibility to go with the chemistry. Meeting someone online it's kind of the opposite. You know more about how someone thinks and what they like, then when you meet in person you see if there's chemistry to match.

I'm rather an odd duck, honestly. Before the Internet I mostly had to make due with people I didn't really see eye to eye with on that much but with whom I got along. It was okay. Now it's a lot easier to meet people that think more like me. *shrug*

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 04-23-2012, 08:19 PM
#16
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OK, Got it. I guess that might actually make more sense than just noticing the body and face. Less like a "meat market".

Thanks

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 04-23-2012, 09:13 PM
#17
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Oh my could I tell you some stories... lol
Meeting someone online is easy. Chatting back and forth is where you really need to pay close attention. Always assume the person is a fraud and look for stories to change. Once you're past the feeling out stage and are pretty sure you can trust them be more open and simply be yourself.

If things work out the next step is a phone call. You can mask your number so the other person can't see it, but it's different on different services. Make sure you know how to do this, just in case.

If all goes well and you hit it off keep talking on the phone for a couple of weeks. If it's still going well set up a place to meet, restaurants or malls are your best bet. After that it's just like meeting someone in public.

If things work out very well, never and I can't stress this enough, NEVER let her know where you live. Going to her place is fine, just not yours. lol

I've met a lot of women online and made huge mistakes, only 2 of them were actually decent people. Despite that, it didn't work out because they were looking for some kind of commitment after only a few weeks.

The things I told you above were mistakes I made and man did it cause me problems. I can laugh about it now, but good lord, some people have some serious issues

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 04-24-2012, 05:25 AM
#18
  • TexBilly
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  • Austin, TX
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 04-25-2012, 07:58 AM
#19
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(04-24-2012, 05:25 AM)TexBilly Wrote: Yes

Short and sweet!

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 04-25-2012, 10:14 PM
#20
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How is using a social media site to meet people 'creepy'? Isn't that the point of social media? What if he had asked if using Match.com or another dating site was creepy? I know a girl that met and married a man she met online and they've been together for more than 9 years. Fact is, it works for some people and doesn't for others. Sure there're creepy people in the world,but that doesn't make it all bad.

Personally, I'd much rather meet someone in a bookstore--too bad Amazon destroyed most of them.

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