03-31-2014, 07:01 AM
#1
  • Lutebro
  • Senior Member
  • Olympia, WA
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Question for those of you with children. For reference I have a four year old and a 12 week old.

My wife and I feel as though all we do is manage the children and nothing else (ie grocery shopping, cleaning, etc). It seems trying to do anything is just too big of a chore. You can imagine how that makes us feel.... very frustrated. So in the end were exhausted and not getting anything done.

Does anyone have any tips, tricks or insights for me? I'd really appreciate it!

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 03-31-2014, 07:06 AM
#2
  • Agravic
  • Super Moderator
  • Pennsylvania, USA
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It gets easier ... hang in there.

You will inevitably get more efficient, and be able to carve out time for yourselves, especially as the children get a little older, and are less physically demanding.

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 03-31-2014, 07:11 AM
#3
  • Lutebro
  • Senior Member
  • Olympia, WA
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So this feeling is totally normal? I'm not just being a whiner about it?

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 03-31-2014, 07:43 AM
#4
  • Elendil
  • Raggedy man, good night
  • The snow's back.
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It's completely normal, and you're not being a whiner at all. It's really hard. You figure it's pretty easy after awhile with the first, as you work out your routines. You add a second and figure it's just twice the work, but in reality, you don't double your stress, you square it. Like Ravi said, it will get easier.

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 03-31-2014, 07:44 AM
#5
  • Lutebro
  • Senior Member
  • Olympia, WA
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(03-31-2014, 07:43 AM)Elendil Wrote: You add a second and figure it's just twice the work, but in reality, you don't double your stress, you square it.

Absolutely, so true!!!

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 03-31-2014, 08:46 AM
#6
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It sounds very normal to me. I would urge you to ask for help from whoever can offer it - relatives, friends, hired help (someone you trust, even for just an hour or two to get things done or have some "us" time, if you can afford it). Even a brief respite can make a world of difference.

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 03-31-2014, 09:57 AM
#7
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We have a family from our church that has become kind of a mentor family to us. All of their kids are a good bit older than my young ones (4 & 2 btw). They have been watching our kids for us 1 afternoon a week since my oldest was only about 12 months old. This extra bit of free time is a huge blessing to my wife.

Whenever we can we also drop the kids off with my mother-in-law and then we go see a movie or even just do a dinner in peace. When we visit my parents we have been known to disappear all day while they watch them. These breaks make all the difference in recharging the batteries. I hope that there is some way that you can find some others you trust that can be a blessing to you like we have experienced. Godspeed!

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 03-31-2014, 10:41 AM
#8
  • zac
  • Ex-Lurker
  • Mass. USA
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Yes, it will get easier
Yes, this is normal
ABSOLUTELY ENJOY EVERY MOMENT YOU CAN!!!!

One: Fun but tiring and worrisome (are we doing everything perfect, no mistakes?).
Two: Challenging and very tiring (we've learned and have some experience, but this is still hard, and these little creatures are all different)
Three: Overwhelming...the most difficult jump (words escape me, really can't remember this period of my life).
Four: Piece-of-Cake, full fledged experts and have it down by now (and realized no matter how bad we screw up, they're resilient little buggers...plus, well, heck, the binky on the ground usually survives the 5 second rule if you count really slowly!)

Again enjoy every moment, you never get them back

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 03-31-2014, 10:56 AM
#9
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Each era brings its own challenges. When they are both in school things take on more of a rhythm and schedule.

But then the extra-curricular activities start, and your logistical schedule for getting them to their various appointments will seem more difficult than your job schedule.

All I can say is that it all goes by much faster than you realize, so enjoy the different challenges and find imaginative ways to overcome difficulties -- don't despair. Each thing is over with in no time and then the next thing is the worry.

Here is a song for you:




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 03-31-2014, 11:14 AM
#10
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(03-31-2014, 09:57 AM)SharpSpine Wrote: We have a family from our church that has become kind of a mentor family to us. All of their kids are a good bit older than my young ones (4 & 2 btw). They have been watching our kids for us 1 afternoon a week since my oldest was only about 12 months old. This extra bit of free time is a huge blessing to my wife.
Whenever we can we also drop the kids off with my mother-in-law and then we go see a movie or even just do a dinner in peace. When we visit my parents we have been known to disappear all day while they watch them. These breaks make all the difference in recharging the batteries. I hope that there is some way that you can find some others you trust that can be a blessing to you like we have experienced. Godspeed!


Agreed, even one date night a month makes a huge difference. I have two children myself (9 &5) and it does get easier as they grow. In the mean time try dinner and dessert together then pick the kids up when your done. Doesn't sound like much but believe
me it works. Just hang in there it gets easier. Best of luck

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 03-31-2014, 12:21 PM
#11
  • OldDog23
  • Senior Member
  • BeanTown MetroWest
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concur with Cap't. Cave's above post...married couples, kids or no kids, should never stop
"dating"...and with busy lives and little ones, time seems to somehow always be at a
premium. Famous Person Quote inserted here: (my Grandmother, I think, re: kids)
"they're only a handful when they're little....when they're teenagers, they are a
TRUCKLOAD ! Biggrin

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 03-31-2014, 01:03 PM
#12
  • P Funk
  • I can only carry 50 chickens at a time
  • Bay Area, NorCal
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It will get easier because you will adapt and become more efficient at prioritizing and performing tasks, decision making, etc.

But keep in mind, this is ever changing. Once you get good at keeping an eye on them while they crawl around, they start walking. Once you are no longer worried that they need you for absolutely everything, you are worried about what they are getting into on their own. When you're not worried about them walking to school on their own, they start driving...etc, etc.

Point is I don't know if 'it' ever gets easier. But the call to adapt to new challenges, make steady decisions on the fly, and be competent + confident while doing so definitely does get easier.

Definitely find ways to take care of yourself (even if you only have a few minutes a day). Very important. Ask, get, take help anywhere you can get it - don't be to proud. Try some of the suggestions, if they don't work, try others. You'll find what works best for you/your family/your particular situation. Oh and also very important - don't be too hard on yourself. If cleaning doesn't get done as it was planned, it's not end of the world. Besides once you are done with that particular task, the countdown is already underway until the next time it will require your attention.

It can be very overwhelming. The fact that you are asking for any tips here is a great sign that you are keenly aware of the situation and that tweaks need to be made, help to alleviate some of the stress, etc. That's the hardest part. Your off to a great start.

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 03-31-2014, 02:04 PM
#13
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Enjoy every minute of it. There is no greater reward than being a parent. Sure it's hard. It's supposed to be.

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 03-31-2014, 02:46 PM
#14
  • Lutebro
  • Senior Member
  • Olympia, WA
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Thank you all so much for the suggestions and the kind words. I can agree that my wife and I need to get out more so we're going to try and focus on that. It's not that the 4 year old is hard to drop off somewhere, it's expecting someone to take care of a 3 month old baby for a while and she's still only breastfeeding, no bottles, so that's near impossible. It's nice to know though that what I'm feeling is normal and that it will get better. TSN rocks!

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 04-01-2014, 11:21 AM
#15
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Dustin -

My youngest is now three years old. I can still remember the difficulty we had getting things done and getting time to rest when she was younger, so I have some idea of what you're going through.

I wanted to assure you that it's normal and healthy to feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of having young kids. As everyone here has assured you, it does get better ----- you'll be able to get more time to yourself as your kids grow. However, the responsibility doesn't go away completely.....it just changes form.

No two kids are the same, and no two parental situations are the same - people can offer you encouragement and support, but you'll have to figure out how to adjust your schedule to get time for all that needs to be done, while still squeezing in some 'alone time' in there.

You'll figure things out.

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 04-02-2014, 03:36 AM
#16
  • Mouser
  • Senior Member
  • Forest City, Florida U.S.A.
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(03-31-2014, 10:56 AM)Face Bannon Wrote: Each era brings its own challenges. When they are both in school things take on more of a rhythm and schedule.

But then the extra-curricular activities start, and your logistical schedule for getting them to their various appointments will seem more difficult than your job schedule.

All I can say is that it all goes by much faster than you realize, so enjoy the different challenges and find imaginative ways to overcome difficulties -- don't despair. Each thing is over with in no time and then the next thing is the worry.

Here is a song for you:



That's a BIG 10-4! Our boys are 17 (twins) and it went by too fast.

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 04-08-2014, 06:19 PM
#17
  • savagejoerude
  • If you ain't a LOSER, you ain't livin'!!
  • New Orleans USA
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I have 8 kids. I raised 2 step daughters and a niece..... My suggestion.... START DRINKING HEAVILY ....lol. JK...


It's going to get better. I have a 14 year old niece we have been raising for 9 years and we have a 10 year old still in the house. The 10 year old is more fun than any of the others ever were. When she is grown I'm going to be very lonely...

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 04-08-2014, 08:23 PM
#18
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(03-31-2014, 02:04 PM)CyanideMetal Wrote: Enjoy every minute of it. There is no greater reward than being a parent. Sure it's hard. It's supposed to be.

* Well, a great shave comes very close! Biggrin


* Dustin, as the other gentlemen have stated, it is all normal and if you can get some help to find a bit of time once a week or even once a month, it definitely aids with the stress.
Once they get a bit older, you will look back on this with a chuckle! Smile

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