12-21-2015, 06:27 PM
#1
  • ddk13
  • Senior Member
  • USA
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I've been agonizing over this for a couple weeks now.  My father is dying of cancer and this will be the last Christmas we get to spend with him.  I just can't come up with a gift idea.  What do you buy someone who doesn't have much longer to live?  I was hoping for a few suggestions to help get my creative juices flowing. He's still mobile but probably not for much longer.  I think he's doing his best to keep us from calling hospice because I think he wants to go out on his own terms and with just family looking after him.  He's having trouble eating and is down to 90 pounds so I'm not sure anything food related would be the best gift.   I picked up a candle thinking maybe he would enjoy a little zen scents while he was resting, but I can already see his face as he opens it thinking "why the hell did you buy me a candle?"  Lol!  I'm thinking something simple might be the best way to go.  I'm guessing there have been a few people on here that have gone through what I'm going through.  Thanks for the help guys!  It's truly appreciated.  Merry Christmas and God Bless!

Dave

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 12-21-2015, 06:34 PM
#2
  • Devilanche
  • Active Member
  • Singapore (CONUS post address)
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Picture book or something ?A letter to him would be nice.

I would suggest something that need more effort and spending more time with him.

There's this thing whereby one can give another party coupons so this coupons could be something that you write down that you can do with him. Something special like a trip back to the food place he used to usually bring you when you were younger, Spending time doing his hobby or watching it (sports )?

Or maybe something that you don't really enjoy but you know he really likes doing it a lot.

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 12-21-2015, 06:39 PM
#3
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I'm truly sorry for what your going through. If you have time and the means why not make a video or collage of things you and him have done or of good times with the family. That would be something he could watch/look at and hold onto and remember. Help him through the rough days. Anything to keep him upbeat and help him smile.

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 12-21-2015, 06:50 PM
#4
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It is sad to say, but at this stage of life not many material posessions are needed. I went through this with a few friends and warm slippers and time spent together were what was requested.  I would ask if there is something he would like or could use.  Stay strong.

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 12-21-2015, 06:56 PM
#5
  • Deuce
  • Just a guy
  • Cave Creek
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Dave-The pictures/collage is a good idea. I find that with my father in law, by bringing up his wife, and asking questions on the pictures, he goes back down memory lane for a few smiles. You and your family are in our prayers.

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 12-21-2015, 07:03 PM
#6
  • Johnny
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  • Wausau, Wisconsin, USA
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Wow, so sorry to hear this.  Monetary things mean absolutely nothing at this time.  Photos, videos, story telling together is the best gift you could give.  And most of all, your time is the best gift there could possibly be.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, your Dad, and your family.

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 12-21-2015, 07:06 PM
#7
  • kav
  • Banned
  • east of the sun,west of the moon
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Any man ( or woman ) likes to think we've made a difference in some measure during our time. What is your dad's trade or passion? perhaps a scholarship in his name for some deserving and disadvantaged kid to learn IE welding or flytieing at the local community center.

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 12-21-2015, 07:19 PM
#8
  • Johnny
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  • Wausau, Wisconsin, USA
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(12-21-2015, 07:06 PM)kav Wrote: Any man ( or woman ) likes to think we've made a difference in some measure during our time. What is your dad's trade or passion? perhaps a scholarship in his name for some deserving and disadvantaged kid to learn IE welding or flytieing at the local community center.

That is a very good idea kav.

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 12-21-2015, 07:22 PM
#9
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Thank you for this post. It is a great reminder of what is important, and even though you are asking for help, I'm sure all those reading it will get a lot out of it.

Honestly, I'd go big and do all the things mentioned: something material that might make him more comfortable (warm slippers), something to celebrate the wonderful times you've had together, and something to add value to someone else's life in a way that honors him.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, and I wish you the best in enjoying the remaining time you have with your dad. I see my dad 1-2 times/year. I know I'm going to re-think how we spend time together and reconnect.


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 12-21-2015, 07:52 PM
#10
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All good ideas posted here. My mom died of cancer three years ago and, while not a gift idea, I recommend you find a way to record your father's voice. It's the one thing I wish I'd done. 

Take care,

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 12-21-2015, 07:52 PM
#11
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video messages from relatives, friends, teacher, students, coworkers, anyone he has known would be very meaningful.

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 12-22-2015, 06:15 AM
#12
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Sorry to hear about your fathers health. Give him more opportunities to spend time with you and your family. If he is up to it, dinners, concerts, drives with beautiful views, watch old family movies or slide shows, create a book where members of he family share favorite memories of your dad etc. Not sure how close you all live to him but you could even make these activities happen every week or two. Along the way you'll create wonderful memories for yourself and family.


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 12-22-2015, 06:44 AM
#13
  • ddk13
  • Senior Member
  • USA
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Thank you all for the kind words and wonderful suggestions.  I definitely have something to go on now.  Although this is a sad time for my family and I, we're all looking forward to a Merry Christmas and spending a lot of quality time with my father.  Thanks again, and I hope everyone here has a safe and joyous holiday season!

God Bless,
Dave

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 12-22-2015, 07:39 AM
#14
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What a horrible thing to go through! I don't envy you at all, but a great deal of wisdom has been handed out in this thread. Well done gents!

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 12-22-2015, 10:28 AM
#15
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Dave, the only humble suggestion I can offer from the other lovely ones is to open your heart fully to your dad and let him know how much you love him.

Much peace and courage to you and your family. Shy

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 12-22-2015, 04:55 PM
#16
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(12-21-2015, 06:34 PM)Devilanche Wrote: Picture book or something ?A letter to him would be nice.

I would suggest something that need more effort and spending more time with him.

There's this thing whereby one can give another party coupons so this coupons could be something that you write down that you can do with him. Something special like a trip back to the food place he used to usually bring you when you were younger, Spending time doing his hobby or watching it (sports )?

Or maybe something that you don't really enjoy but you know he really likes doing it a lot.

I think this is a great idea! Most of us can't always say what we want but we can put it to writing. Write him a letter of what he means to you, has meant to you, etc. perhaps include an old photo of you and him or of the family together at a happy time. best wishes to you! I lost my mom last September so I know what you're going through, good luck!

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 12-22-2015, 08:22 PM
#17
  • ddk13
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  • USA
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(12-22-2015, 10:28 AM)celestino Wrote: Dave, the only humble suggestion I can offer from the other lovely ones is to open your heart fully to your dad and let him know how much you love him.

Much peace and courage to you and your family. Shy

Thanks Celestino!  And thank you to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did decide to put together a picture collage and frame it for him.  That way he can keep it by his recliner where he rests during the day as well as sleeps at night.  Also thinking I may write a letter he can read when he's alone.  Just to let him know how much I appreciate every thing he's done for me and for the fact that I wouldn't be half the man I am today if it wasn't for him.  This has been a long time coming but it doesn't make it any easier.  It was around 5 years ago he was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer.   Within the same week one of my favorite old-time baseball players, Harmon Killebrew, announced publicly that he was diagnosed with the same cancer.  Harmon decided not to pursue treatment.  In a matter of months Harmon had passed away.  I remember my dad looking his Doctor in the eye and saying that he wasn't ready to die.  Well, after 5 years of fighting, the REALLY bad news came.  On his last visit to the Oncologist a few months ago he was told there was nothing left to do but enjoy what little time he had left.  My Dad stood up and walked over to the Oncologist and shook his hand and said "Thanks!"  "It's been a wonderful 5 years and I appreciate what you've given me."  I guess the moral of the story is what Jimmy V.  so eloquently put it.  "Don't give up. Don't ever give up."  

Thanks again!  I hope everyone has a safe holiday season and has a chance to hug the ones they love!

Dave K

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