10-10-2012, 12:53 PM
#1
  • Howler
  • A calamophile and vintage razor lover
  • Fort Smith AR
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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
==============================================

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think
you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough, you will
see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean,
and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's
from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get
a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I
go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and
mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way
back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
She said... 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' So I
suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there
was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She
told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for
the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's
on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were
the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four
letter word... It was just clean and simple fun.... And he
always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'

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 10-10-2012, 01:11 PM
#2
  • Johan
  • Barberian of the lathering
  • Sweden
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Laughing1

Never heard of him but its just my kind of humour. Thanks for sharing!

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 10-10-2012, 02:19 PM
#3
  • Johnny
  • Super Moderator
  • Wausau, Wisconsin, USA
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Well Brad, I remember him well. It is to bad his type of entertainment is all but gone.

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 10-10-2012, 05:03 PM
#4
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Hee hee.

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 10-10-2012, 06:11 PM
#5
  • freddy
  • Senior Member
  • San Diego, California, U.S.A.
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(10-10-2012, 02:19 PM)Johnny Wrote: Well Brad, I remember him well. It is to bad his type of entertainment is all but gone.

I agree. Along with the wonderful Red Skelton, there were others like Danny Kaye, Myron Cohen, Henny Youngman, George Burns, Jack Benny, and Phyllis Diller. Each of these wonderful standup comedians could make us laugh with just the types of jokes that Brad showed us here. I remember, as a youngster of about twelve or fourteen, our parents took my sister and I to see Danny Kaye's one man show on Broadway. The humor was so innocent, yet so on target, that it had everyone laughing through his entire performance and it did not matter whether we were old or young; we all "got it."

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 10-10-2012, 10:31 PM
#6
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(10-10-2012, 06:11 PM)freddy Wrote:
(10-10-2012, 02:19 PM)Johnny Wrote: Well Brad, I remember him well. It is to bad his type of entertainment is all but gone.

I agree. Along with the wonderful Red Skelton, there were others like Danny Kaye, Myron Cohen, Henny Youngman, George Burns, Jack Benny, and Phyllis Diller. Each of these wonderful standup comedians could make us laugh with just the types of jokes that Brad showed us here. I remember, as a youngster of about twelve or fourteen, our parents took my sister and I to see Danny Kaye's one man show on Broadway. The humor was so innocent, yet so on target, that it had everyone laughing through his entire performance and it did not matter whether we were old or young; we all "got it."
Don Rickles, Bob Newhart, Smothers Brothers, Jonathan Winters, Flip Wilson....Yep, an era gone by.

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 10-13-2012, 10:37 AM
#7
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Man, I remember being a young child and that was Red Skeleton was the one evening TV show I always got to watch. Even in the summer my mom would call me in when his show as about to start.

Good memories and great humor.

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