12-23-2012, 08:24 AM
#1
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I am a fair cook. In our household the kitchen is my domain. My wife has no desire to cook and ceded the kitchen to me. I have good quality knives, cookware, gadgets and devices.

We are having dinner guests on Christmas Eve. Lasagna, homemade rolls and salad. I have a double wall oven so i can get the lasagna and fresh hot rolls to the table at the same time.

My wife informed me last night that one of the guests is bringing some sort of dip. They expecd to use my stand mixer, cutlery and cutting boards.

But more importantly they expect (demand) space and time in my kitchen. Both of which are at a premium.

I think this is quite nervy on their part. I told them no. My wife said I am being rude. I say if they insist on bringing something a bottle of wine is fine. Not food that needs to be prepared while I am trying to plate up.

My kitchen is more sacred than my shave nook! I don't even let my wife use my cookware nor good cutlery. And she thinks I'm rude for not wanting a stranger in there.

I think the guest is being rude for expecting me to supply space and time in my kitchen.

I have been over ruled by my wife. I pointed ou that the last time my wife let someone in my kitchen we lost a pan. Her sister used a serrated steak knife to cut bacon in an All-clad non-stick omelet pan! Bringing that up did not gain me sympathy. Actually hurt my case as I "dragged up old history".

Well thanks for letting me vent.

Phil

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 12-23-2012, 08:37 AM
#2
  • bullgoose
  • The Enabler
  • Redondo Beach, California, U.S.A
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I agree wholeheartedly with you Phil. We have an aunt that does this (brings unprepared food and commandeers the kitchen). Yup...it's nervy.

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 12-23-2012, 09:05 AM
#3
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This is one of my pet peves as well...we hosted a party for Halloween and invited by BIL's family. 2 of them brought dishes, which both needed to be prepared and cooked...dinner ended up starting 2 hours late as a result. I'm ok with people coming over and needing to put something in a bowl or use the microwave to heat something up, but if you say your bringing a dish...bring it prepared.

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 12-23-2012, 09:15 AM
#4
  • Johnny
  • Super Moderator
  • Wausau, Wisconsin, USA
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That's when you pull out some old bowls, pots, pans, and knives and say have at it. But under not circumstance are you to touch my good cookware. PERIOD.

You can give in for the holiday season, good cheer and all that, but set your foot down on what they can and cannot use. Oh yea, they have to clean up their own mess.

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 12-23-2012, 10:19 AM
#5
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Tell them to show up 2 hours earlier?

Agreed, annoying. But letting it annoy you is worse.

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 12-23-2012, 10:19 AM
#6
  • freddy
  • Banned
  • San Diego, California, U.S.A.
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Phil, on this one I agree with you. The only exception would be is if one of the guests was on a restricted diet that you, personally, could not accomodate. Other than that, I don't think you're being rude at all. Besides, one of the nicest things about being invited to someone's home for a meal is that the guest doesn't have to cook!

To keep harmony in the family you may give in to your wife's wishes but that does not mean you're wrong. Heck, I'll happily bring TWO bottles of wine for homemade lasagna! Smile

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 12-23-2012, 11:46 AM
#7
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Best thing people can do is bring over "ready to serve" items (dips, veggies etc). Second best is if they ask in advance, something which simply needs to spend some time in the oven along with other items already cooking.

If *I* am preparing the meal (I am the far better cook in this relationship), I don't want anyone else cooking in my kitchen. However, we have had friends / relatives over where I have totally ceded my kitchen duties. If they want to cook, fine go at it, but I'll not cook anything then.

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 12-23-2012, 12:28 PM
#8
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Your guests have been watching the cooking channel too much. When we get invited to someone's house we do nothing except show up.

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 12-23-2012, 01:21 PM
#9
  • Howler
  • A calamophile and vintage razor lover
  • Fort Smith AR
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I agree with you totally, yes it is rude and unthoughtful.

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 12-23-2012, 07:45 PM
#10
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Did your guest mistake your home for a Benihanna? If someone wants to cook for me they do it in their home.

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 12-23-2012, 09:02 PM
#11
  • Kavik79
  • Active Member
  • Albany, NY - USA
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depending on the relationship with the friend, I don't see anything wrong with asking (with plenty of notice, of course). But there's no reason a simple no shouldn't be accepted as the answer

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 12-24-2012, 04:55 PM
#12
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It's your kitchen, if you say "NO" then that's the way it is. You know what's going on that day.

FWIW, if I'm going to bring something that needs kitchen time I do exactly what your guests did, and ask. If the answer is "no" then I bring something else.

What you did was NOT rude at all. Your guests were correct in asking, you were correct in refusing.

FWIW, My wife and I have the same setup, I'm a much better cook than she could ever conceive of being, and it's my kitchen. All kitchen decisions go through me. FWIW, she's happy with that. When I croak she's going to get mighty hungry or eat a lot of takeout. If I said no my wife would applaud it. I cook, she does the dishes. Another cook would mean more dishes and my wife hates washing dishes. Biggrin

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 12-24-2012, 08:05 PM
#13
  • biggiej42
  • Looney for Rooney
  • Stony Point, NY
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Phil, I had this argument with my wife over the summer. We had a party, and I had all of the food taken care of.

All of a sudden, her uncle comes in with raw clams, and made a complete mess of the kitchen shucking them, also tried to use one of my wusthof ikon knives as a pry bar.

Amidst all that, her brother was making stuffed mushrooms, and her mother was trying to cook pasta.....

I couldn't even move in the kitchen to get all my food together and out. I kicked everyone out of the kitchen, ordered food, and served that.

My wife called me rude as well, but there are boundaries, and I cleaned the mess from the clams for the next two days.

Now, whenever we have dinner guests, I bring out a second set of knives that I don't care about, and hide my expensive cookware. It's much easier than arguing.

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 12-24-2012, 08:54 PM
#14
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(12-23-2012, 08:24 AM)PhilNH5 Wrote: I am a fair cook. In our household the kitchen is my domain. My wife has no desire to cook and ceded the kitchen to me. I have good quality knives, cookware, gadgets and devices.

We are having dinner guests on Christmas Eve. Lasagna, homemade rolls and salad. I have a double wall oven so i can get the lasagna and fresh hot rolls to the table at the same time.

My wife informed me last night that one of the guests is bringing some sort of dip. They expecd to use my stand mixer, cutlery and cutting boards.

But more importantly they expect (demand) space and time in my kitchen. Both of which are at a premium.

I think this is quite nervy on their part. I told them no. My wife said I am being rude. I say if they insist on bringing something a bottle of wine is fine. Not food that needs to be prepared while I am trying to plate up.

My kitchen is more sacred than my shave nook! I don't even let my wife use my cookware nor good cutlery. And she thinks I'm rude for not wanting a stranger in there.

I think the guest is being rude for expecting me to supply space and time in my kitchen.

I have been over ruled by my wife. I pointed ou that the last time my wife let someone in my kitchen we lost a pan. Her sister used a serrated steak knife to cut bacon in an All-clad non-stick omelet pan! Bringing that up did not gain me sympathy. Actually hurt my case as I "dragged up old history".

Well thanks for letting me vent.

Phil

I just love Holiday dinners when people are willing to forego turkey and think outside the box. Pasta sounds wonderful.

When my mother was around, she insisted on helping because she thought it was bad manners not to do so. I think she and others came from a background (i.e. during the Depression) where you were expected to chip in and help clean up.

Hope it went well. I would have gladly cooperated with you. Tongue

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 12-24-2012, 09:03 PM
#15
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(12-23-2012, 10:19 AM)freddy Wrote: Phil, on this one I agree with you. The only exception would be is if one of the guests was on a restricted diet that you, personally, could not accomodate. Other than that, I don't think you're being rude at all. Besides, one of the nicest things about being invited to someone's home for a meal is that the guest doesn't have to cook!

To keep harmony in the family you may give in to your wife's wishes but that does not mean you're wrong. Heck, I'll happily bring TWO bottles of wine for homemade lasagna! Smile
I'll bring 3 bottles!!Biggrin

And I agree it's rude....kick them out of your kitchen. Bringing something is acceptable and the proper proceedure is to ask If and What, one might bring to add to the meal. Anything brought should be prepared ahead and handed off to the person wearing the apron. Insulting the cook by bringing and preparing your own food is NOT a wise move.

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 12-24-2012, 10:34 PM
#16
  • Arcadies
  • Senior Member
  • Greeneville, TN
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One of my sisters pulled something similar this evening, although she didn't even have the courtesy of doing it herself. I agreed to host the gathering this year and we all agreed on what each person was contributing. I baked a large ham (that my nephew provided) and small turkey w/stuffing and giblet gravy for the couple of white meat only folks and I also made the green beans..the good stuff, cooked with bacon/shallots, none of that canned crap. Wink and I also provided drinks.

One niece brought home made cheese/garlic biscuits, deviled eggs and peanut butter pie, the other niece brought sausage balls for pre-meal snacking, a heavenly cornbread salad and one sister brought 2 caramel pies, a pecan pie and hand rolled ham and cream cheese/green onion balls and crackers for snacking. However, my other sister, whose only responsibility was to bring home made mashed potatoes..comes in an hour late, walks into the kitchen and plops down two 10lb bags of potatoes at my feet and wanders off into the dining room to hit up the snacks and start gossiping...I was not thrilled. I bit my tongue and got my nieces to help me speed peel the spuds and get em boiled and whipped up...it ended up being a great night, but some people. Angry

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 12-25-2012, 05:47 AM
#17
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Agreed that this is rude. I usually bring a bottle of wine.

The only exception is something that may need to be reheated, with minimal kitchen needs (maybe microwaved) but I'd still prefer to bring something that can just be uncovered.

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 12-25-2012, 06:09 AM
#18
  • biggiej42
  • Looney for Rooney
  • Stony Point, NY
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If someone wants to bring something to heat up in the oven, I've had no problem with that.

It's when they use your expensive knives as pry bars, and your non-stick pans as cutting boards that I draw the line.

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 12-25-2012, 06:49 AM
#19
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Well it all worked out for us.
Those particular guests showed just in time to eat.
Candles were lit, wine was.poured, dinner was.planted and guests were just taking their places. The kitchen commandeer and her family.sat.right down and joined us.
No fuss no muss and all went well.

Very interesting to read everyone's comments. Definitely not.an isolated problem though it was a first for.me.

Merry.Christmas.

Phil

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 12-25-2012, 10:34 AM
#20
  • freddy
  • Banned
  • San Diego, California, U.S.A.
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Merry Christmas, Phil, and glad it all worked out. Thumbsup

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